recent posts

  • a year in review
    so it's been a while since i've written! more than a month, in fact. i've still been trying to put together something about ptwc, but i keep getting writer's block and stop after a few paragraphs. but today's a unique day, which got me thinking again about writing! what day is it, you ask? well … Read more
  • first semester review
    my first three months on (legal) hormones disclaimer: i will be discussing some of the more intimate/graphic aspects of how hormones have affected my body/sexual function/junk, so if that seems like it would uncomfortable to read, i would consider not reading this post, or at least not reading past the header that says "so what … Read more
  • defining me
    words are just words – aren't they? that's what i thought, at least, when i first started my gender exploration journey. the third or fourth time i saw my current therapist, she asked me "well, have you thought about what pronouns you would like to use to refer to yourself?" at the time, i said … Read more
  • 11.7.19 – some kind of ecstasy
    I had another dream about lions at the doorThey weren't half as frightening as they were beforeBut I'm thinking about eternitySome kind of ecstasy got a hold on me bruce cockburn, "Wondering Where The Lions Are" the past few days have felt different. for the first time in my life, i find myself impatient. there … Read more
  • letting go of normal
    what is normal anyway? from the beginning of this journey towards figuring out who I actually want to be and how that relates to my gender (and even before i started actually doing something about it), i realize now that there has been one constant: i've always been trying to find some way that i … Read more
  • 11.3.19 – trauma
    "This tension is yours. I am not helping you anymore. You need to learn what this feels like, because this tension is what not-normals carry inside of them all of the time. It is dangerous to be different." hannah gadsby i'm here writing because of hannah gadsby's special "Nanette." after watching, i just feel… unsettled. … Read more
  • a letter to laura
    as promised, i'm back! for my first (non-introductory) blog post! i wanted to start with this topic as a first post because it's a letter i have been wanting to write for a long time, but haven't summoned the courage nor the time to think it through properly. as a quick background, laura (not my … Read more
  • hello self!
    so officially starts my plan to start journaling. i've never been one to express myself, to me or to anyone else, but given the circumstances of my life at this moment, i feel that this would be a great time to start. so. to start off, let's do a bit of reflection. where am I? … Read more



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Jay's Blog

"Live for the moments you can't put into words"

"T" is for Trans

and "S" is for Spouse

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